I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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