47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
