the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
