So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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