i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
