I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
