you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
