do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was born a porn star she said
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
