Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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