I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
