the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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