I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
