it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
