ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
