He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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