Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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