winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize