i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
