this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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