I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
