I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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