you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have post one night stand depression
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