This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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