I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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