4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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