did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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