I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
