No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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