I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
