I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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