I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
