he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
