Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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