don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
