I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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