Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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