apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
