I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
