You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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