So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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