then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
