dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
