it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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