yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
