We won't sleep together?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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