How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
