If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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