is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
