who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
