So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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