trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
