I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
