Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
