i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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