he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
