Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
