Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
