I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
