you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
