ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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