if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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