I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
