Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
