So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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